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Dr. Mona Gustafson Affinito, Ph.D, L.P., licensed to practice psychology in Minnesota and listed on the National
Register of Health Service Providers in Psychology, is Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Southern Connecticut State University.
There she enjoyed twenty-nine years teaching General, Personality, Developmental, and Social Psychology, specializing after
1970 in the Psychology of Women. Dr. Affinito served seven years as elected department chair and was recognized for her active
participation in several major departmental and college-wide committees. She is a lecturer and presenter with the ability
to deliver practical messages tailored to the special needs of diverse audiences.
Now a practicing therapist with
offices in Excelsior and Chaska, Minnesota, she is an emeritus member of the faculty of the Alfred Adler Graduate School.
Her specialty is the understanding of forgiveness and justice. Dr. Affinito is the author of "When to Forgive," published
in 1999 by New Harbinger Publications, and of "Helping with Forgiveness Decisions: A Brief Guide for Counselors," originally
published by Manisses Communications Group in 1998. The latter is now available in an up-dated publication by the author titled
"Helping with Forgiveness Decisions: A Practical Model for Counselors." A companion publication, "Forgiving One Page at a
Time," targeted towards a more general audience, is in the works. Look also for Affinito, M.G., "Forgiveness in Counseling:
Caution, Definition, and Application," In Lamb, S. and Murphy, J. G. (Eds.). (2002). BEFORE FORGIVING: CAUTIONARY VIEWS OF
FORGIVENESS IN COUNSELING. New York: Oxford University Press.
In Connecticut, Dr. Affinito frequently spoke and presented
workshops on the topics "A Healthy Woman is a Crazy Person" and later "Ending the Longest War: the War Between the Sexes."
Since 1986 she has been devoted to researching, lecturing, and providing workshops on forgiveness. Upon moving to Minnesota
in 1995, Dr. Affinito closed an active private practice where she had been seeing up to thirty clients a week, working individually
with adults of both genders, with couples, and with women's groups.
(Please note that you can increase the size of
any visual by clicking on it.)
In this book, join me on the path toward forgiveness choices. Sometimes you may want to run ahead along the
route; at other times you may want to go back a bit to take a closer look at something you noticed along the way. As you travel
along the route, your forgiveness attitudes are very likely to change, becoming clearer and more truly your own.
Here's
a sample from pages 74-75.
ONE PIECE AT A TIME
"In the pevious chapter you began thinking about shame, blame,
guilt, and grief. Now, before you can move on and consider punishing the offender, you'll need to see how these topics apply
to your individual circumstances.
The damage and pain are not equally deep in all offenses, but the healing begins
the same way. You need to recognize that ONLY YOU can bring about the moral and thoughtful decisions that will reduce your
pain. You need to investigate and evaluate your own morality and beliefs in order for this process to produce a good decision.
You don't have to become an expert in philosophy or laws --- you only have to become an expert on how the following topics
apply to you.
Healthy Shame vs. Toxic Shame.
Appropriate Blaming vs. Inappropriate Blaming
Appropriate
Guilt vs. Inappropriate Guilt.
Grief Separated Out vs. Grief Confused"
************
"Written just
for me!" posted one man on Amazon.com, going on to say, "After reading just the first chapter, I realized how much I have
been punishing myself with my need to immediately forgive others. Now I realize that I have to go through the process, just
like mourning."
In the November, 1999 "Phoenix," reviewer Audrey DeLaMartre said, "... this is the best, most thoroughly
considered, most releasing book about forgiveness I've ever read. It is a gift for the heart and mind."
In readers
comments on Amazon.com, Nina Salveson says, "The power of choice to forgive and then to release the pent-up pain, sadness,
anger and frustration that results from choosing to forgive leads to a potent liberation of one's soul. I highly recommend
this book."
Christine Nelson wrote, "Ms. Gustafson Affinito's definition of forgiveness correlates perfectly with
my personal experience. In my own life, I had to first think about the hurt this person committed against me, decide if it
was intentional, and consider my options. Punish? Walk away? Forgive? What were my goals in forgiveness? When I consciously
decided to forgive, I didn't forget the offense, but I experienced a release of the negative energy bottled inside for so
long. I could move on and even love this person again."
Kathy Mc. said ,"My only complaint is that I can't seem to
keep a copy around long enough; I've given away two books and have just purchased another copy." She tells that "Six months
ago a friend was walking on air. She had a diamond engagement ring that would cause the sun to blink. But now she is no longer
engaged. She said that Chapter 9 of Mona's book has helped her better understand what happened."
Your signed copy
of "When to Forgive", the step-by-step guide for your forgiveness journey, is available (prepaid) for $13.95 plus $2.50 shipping
and handling at 1359 White Oak Drive, Chaska, MN, 55318, or click on the e-mail button on the home page, or use the PayPal
option on the home page. Minnesota residents please add 6.5% sales tax. This book is also available in bookstores or on-line
at such distributors as Amazon.com.
The Taiwanese version in complex Chinese Characters can no longer be purchased
from me.
I'm sorry, I can't offer refunds on returns of these books.
In addition to workshops with a focus on forgiveness, options are available for exploring issues of liiving
with justice, rearing and/or caring for others in an unpredictable world, resilience in troubled times, or dangerous therapy:
what we didn't learn in Psychology 101. Other topics tailored to the needs of the requesting group can be worked out.
Where the emphasis is on forgiveness, participants will learn to recognize and apply:
----New interpretations of old forgiveness myths.
---- At least three different forgiveness goals.
---- A practical definition of forgiveness.
----At least three types of justice that apply to forgiveness.
----The case against forgiveness.
----The role of punishment.
----The function of and problem with vengeance.
----Suggestions for practicing forgiveness in daily life.
To discuss possibilities for your group, click on the e-mail button on the home page, write to 1359 White
Oak Drive, Chaska, MN, 55318, call 952 361-3681, or fax 952 361-3761.
forgivenessoptions@earthlink.net
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